Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
