Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
