Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
