I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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