I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
