No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
