from now on my penis is your penis
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
