i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
