I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
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