I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
