Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
