This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
It's Friday. Sex?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
