If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
