I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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