She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
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