soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
