Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I am one with the molecules
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
