Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
