Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
