I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
