I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
