lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
