Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
