Swine flu. Run for my life!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize