the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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