i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
