So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
