his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Let's get the cat blown out
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
