Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
