took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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