the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
