Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
