Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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