paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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