...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
