I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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