Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
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I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
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