so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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