fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
