Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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