I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
