This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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