its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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