I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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