just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
