Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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