I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
