a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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