I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
