bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
