just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
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They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
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My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize