So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
