Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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