Is it because I queefed?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
