Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
