The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
