I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
