NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
