I'm so fucking centered right now
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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