I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
