I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
