At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
