you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
