speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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