You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
This baby is an asshole
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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