bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
