U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
This is my gift to your gina
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Randomize
