i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
