The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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