you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
