I look better un-naked...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
