I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
