i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
