I'm pants shitting drunk right now
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
