I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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