We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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