you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
