ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
